As it turns out our lonely blue planet was almost smacked upside the head on Tuesday by an asteroid the size of the Enterprise. (No, not that one) But before that something even worse happened!
We received the first snowfall of the year.
My feelings towards the cold are equivalent to Mother Nature’s feelings towards vacuums. I abhor it. The terror that struck me as I looked out the window watching the fat, white, flakes drift lazily downward is beyond words. I may actually be half human- half reptile, so severe is my fear and mistrust of sub-283 degree (Kelvin) environments.
It’s too late for me to relocate closer to the equator so the only thing I can do now is dig in, tech up, and wait for spring. Here are a few tools I plan use on my road to victory in my battle against nature. . .
It goes without saying that I’ll be piling blankets on trying to build a personal cocoon, but this doesn’t help my lone hand that connects via mouse to the internet. Luckily I’ll have a heated mouse to force thermal energy into my chilly appendage. The best part: It works for lefties too. Second best part: Free shipping! Price: $29.95 and up
Of course I’ll be forced to venture out into the winter wasteland from time to time, but that doesn’t mean I have to rely on technology of old. Non-heated “dumb” jackets have been around since the caveman days (they called them mammoth skins back then)… isn’t it time we took a step forward? The Aero-jacket takes a leap forward instead. Not only can I plug my phone and mp3 player into it, but I can control everything from the exterior controls on the sleeve! The brief blast of warmth I feel in the convince story while paying for my Redbox? I can store the heat energy for when I need it trudging back out to my car! Price: $1,295.
I’ll be honest; I probably would be more amicable towards the winter months if my hands and feet turn into blacks of ice within nanoseconds of leaving the house. It’s true; I’ve been cursed with poor circulation in my extremities. The problem with those little plastic wrapped hand warmers is they don’t last long and only work once. If only they worked up to twelve hours and were reusable… Almost like Zippo’s hand warmer. Now you too can own a Zippo without the health hazard of being a smoker or pyromaniac since this has no flame and produces no fumes. But for those of you who are flirting with the emphysema fairy or the law good news! It uses the same fuel as your trusty old flame version too. Price: $19.95
So this is just the start of my anti-winter weapon list. Anyone else have any solid suggestions for keeping me un-frostbitten?
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